Have you ever found yourself wanting to just throw in the towel? Wave your flag and give up the race? Sister, you are among friends here. As you may know, I own a beauty business in my hometown and have been graciously kept in business for the last 3 years. But, let me tell you something, I can’t count how many times I’ve cried to my friends, my husband, and my family wanting to hang up the hat and go back to a comfortable, “steady,” job. Being in a people pleasing industry is tough. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some really nice things about working for yourself, but it doesn’t come without sacrifice, blood, sweat, and tears. (maybe not blood, but I need some theatrics here)

Maybe it’s not work, maybe it’s being a mom, being a wife, being a good friend….you just feel like you don’t have the capacity to fill that role. I KNOW THAT FEELING. You spend so much time trying to fill the cups of every one else around you that you never realized that your cup was bone dry. What do you do? Do you just push through and put on a fake smile?

I’ll tell you what I do, I shut down, I complain, I overthink, I make rash decisions…pretty much everything we shouldn’t do. But let me tell you about something that blessed me this past week. I have been in one of my “closing the business” funks and it really took a toll on my mental health this last month. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was truly depressed and I did not know what my next steps would be. That week, a client prayed with me and for me, having no clue what my heart was feeling, another client expressed her gratitude from the service provided and told me she hoped I knew how talented I was, two friends called me seeking sound, Godly advice (because they trusted I would give them that), and another friend told me she wished I could see myself through her eyes.

I mean cmon…if that’s not God winks, I’m not sure I’ll ever know what is. My entire point, is don’t get lost in chaos of your head. That’s what the enemy wants. To cloud up your mind and fill it with so much noise, you miss the other small things that are actually really, really big things. Those big things this past week, poured back into my cup until it overflowed, and I didn’t even realize….until I decided to start a blog.

Love always, Cortlyn

Starting a blog is something I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t know if you’re like me, but I’ve always found it easier to get my words out on paper than in a conversation or even over the phone. Sometimes your mind races a million miles an hour when someone is talking to you, and when it’s your turn, the words just fly right out the window. I’m always that person thinking about what I could’ve said or should’ve said long after the fact. Maybe that’s God letting us know whatever we were going to say wouldn’t have been very useful — who knows?
Contrary to the version of me that some know, I actually don’t have too much to say out loud. I much prefer to write. So that’s what I’m doing here. This blog is a safe space for the things I don’t say out loud: faith, motherhood, and the beauty in the chaos. I’d love for you to walk along with me on this journey — maybe find a friend in the words you read, or simply the comfort of knowing you’re not alone.

Here’s to embracing the messy, finding the meaningful, and walking this journey together.